Karamatsu's Self-worth
by thetwodude
Summary: Karamatsu usually holds up fine, bottling his emotions up and such. But after pressure starts pouring in from all sides, Karamatsu wonders if he can actually make his way through this one.
1. Prologue Chapter One

I can't remember anything. Last night was a blur; a flurry of bright lights and drunken giggles with someone unfamiliar to me now. Everything had gone to complete shit. My hands are cold and my face feels numb. Even as I'm lying on the harsh, unforgiving ground with rain drops falling onto my face, I feel this strange calmness wash over me. It feels welcoming, almost. I try to reach out for it, grasping at every drop of will in my body to move towards the quiet, comforting silence, the end.

Somehow, I manage to hold out my hand. Crimson droplets ooze out of a singular wound. It seems endless, and I'm almost mesmerized by the sight of my own blood escaping my body desperately, as if it was almost ashamed as I am to inhabit this putrid body. This weak, laughable excuse for a body.

Then, it hits me. That wonderfully awful taste of iron in my mouth, overriding any other taste that might have been resting on my tongue. I smile weakly, lips cracking dryly. It feels good to know that relief is coming. Soon, I tell myself, I'll be done suffocating in my own problems, and instead drown in my own blood.

I should be feeling scared, I should have adrenaline pumping through every vein and nerve, shocking me and forcing me to scream in pain and agony, requesting help at the top of my lungs, choking on every shaky breath I take. But I'm not. I'm laying here in this pool of tears, vomit, alcohol, and blood, and I've never felt more happy. More excited to let go, to release my grasp on life and take the first step into blinding darkness. This exact moment is what I've been waiting 6 long years for, if not secretly my entire life. It won't be long now.

* * *

Ten days ago, I had been walking along the same road I had been my entire life. My legs knew exactly where to take me, even if I myself didn't know yet. It was a sort of comforting thought to think that I had somewhere I belonged. Somewhere to go and waste all my time.

It was even better to think I'd be going here alone. Without my brothers to tease me, it was almost pleasurable. I mean, I suppose I didn't mind the banter. It was just playful. Making fun of each other was what we were all about. We knew that none of us really meant it deep down. Sure, we were shitty people, but I didn't believe that we were that bad. But, it was relieving to know that I didn't have to deal with it right then.

As I reached the oden cart, I took a stool and sat myself down, plastering my cheesy smirk onto my face. I leaned forward and placed my elbow on the cart's counter. Chibita was a sort of life-long friend, and someone I could trust. I knew he could see right through my facade, but I still kept up my walls.

"Hey Chibita. How's it going? Anything new to report?" I pushed my sunglasses up my nose and readjusted my collar. I did like to leave an impression; it gave me a little burst of pride, something that I constantly strive for.

"Ey, Karaboy. Same old same old, amirite? Just setting up the cart for the morning. What brings you here so early? Where are your brothers?" Chibita was cleaning some glasses with a worn out little rag, then put the glass in a tiny cupboard, placing the rag on a hook. "Don't tell me you're gonna actually pay your tab?" He gave me a quick, stern look before going onto the next glass.

"Don't kid yourself. Where do you think I'd get the money?" I grinned. We both knew we six brothers would never pay our tab. It was kind of a running joke at this point. "Anyway, I just wanted to see how my lovely Chibita was doing this fine morning~"

Chibita was unfazed, putting away the rest of his dishes and sitting back on his stool, resting his head onto his hands. "I'm fine, ya idjit. Now, why are you really here?" It was amazing how fast he could get to the point of things.

"I didn't really have a reason. I guess I got a little tired of my brothers. Plus, I wanted to take my chances on any Karamatsu girls I might happen to pass by on my way here."

Chibita rolled his eyes and sat back. "I can understand why you'd want to get away from them. What I want to know is why you'd think it'd be a good idea to come to me to 'grace me with your glorious appearance and charm.'"

I twiddled my thumbs idly, trying to think of something smart to respond with. I had nothing. "Uh, I, well. I thought you might wanna go drinking with me tonight? I know you've got the cart to deal with, but just come with me for a little while? I kinda don't wanna be alone tonight. And maybe we could pick up some girls for the both of us there!" I could feel my eyes light up just with the idea, my fists curled up on the counter in anticipation, just thinking of the possibilities. No way I couldn't score one!

However, Chibita just looked concerned more than anything. He always picked apart my sentences, it was a habit of his. "Damn, ya idjit. Something wrong? You usually don't go drinking without your brothers. You'd know what they'd do to you if they ever found out it was just you and me. We both would never hear the end of it, and like hell I need that on my shoulders along with the crippling weight of your debt."

I shook my head reassuringly. "No, I don't have a particular reason. Just thought you'd like to go drinking and dancing with me, one on one. I know you like a cold one as much as I do." I crossed my legs, knowing I had him hooked. "Maybe I'll even pay this time," I added for an extra kick.

"Don't tease me like that, idjit, or /you're/ not gonna hear the end of it. But I suppose. I guess it couldn't hurt putting away my oden cart early, I need a treat for my hard work. Even superheros need a break every once in a while." Chibita turned on the heater for the cart, and with a creak and a groan, the traps started to warm up.

"So you'll go with me to the club tonight?" I couldn't help but grin. It was fun to go clubbing by yourself, but with someone else, everything was ten times better; and it meant twice as many girls to reel in.

"Fine, Karaboy, but just know that you owe me one after this." He hopped off his stool and got the supplies for his oden. After extensively "training" with Chibita on how to cook his oden, I had memorized the ingredients. I nodded subconsciously in recognition as I saw him put in the ingredients, counting off the rest by memory.

After a few more minutes of unimportant chattering, I had left the cart and started walking into the park, hands in my jean pockets. I stood against the wall of the bridge, adjusting my glasses coolly. I knew it was just early morning, but I had a feeling I might get lucky this time.

After about fifteen minutes, a young girl about my age was walking in my general direction. I stepped in before she could go past.

"My beautiful star, I see you have no one to guide you through this lovely park. Would you care for a guide?" It was a fixer-upper, but it was humble, and to the point. I added a smirk just to be safe, holding out my arm charmingly.

I walked out of that park with 2 purse-shaped red marks on each cheek that morning.


	2. Chapter 2

I walked home at around noon that day, whistling and looking up at the puffy white clouds. It looked pretty clear, but I remember hearing that it was to rain later in the week. Hopefully I'd remember not to go out then.

As I opened the door, I heard the usual arguing. "Did you take my money," "What happened to my shit," and so on. I sat down at one of the couches, taking off my jacket and sunglasses, putting them off to the side.

"Where have you been, airhead?" Osomatsu got up from his sitting position on the floor and looked at me with a crooked smile. He suspected something, and the nose swipe confirmed it. It'd have to take some A+ Karamatsu acting this time around. I only hoped I could pull it off.

"Why, only at the horse races. They didn't take autographs as money. Didn't win, though." I smirked and draped an arm across the couch. I knew well enough that if I said I won, then they would chew me up and spit me up backwards. I couldn't take the chance.

"That's funny, considering that the horse races don't open 'till Monday." Osomatsu kept his grin. I realized my mistake. It was Saturday and I had messed up big time. Sweat started to bead at my forehead and I just stared hard at the wall in front of me, swallowing frequently.

"Hm, brother? Where have you been? Why don't you tell us?" He walked in closer, menacingly. I tried to keep my cool.

"Well, I...I was just at the park. The girls couldn't keep their hands off me with these pants." I didn't even have to look down to see the sparkle of my glittery pants. The others said it was painful; I said it was fashionable.

I couldn't afford to let my brothers know that I was alone with Chibita asking him to the club with me that night. Not only would they want to go, and ruin my chances of finding the perfect relationship, but they would never let me live the experience down that I technically asked Chibita on a date somewhere. It was the perfect teasing topic and I could not stand to see that grow into something worse. I learned my lesson on the ruthlessness of my brothers the last time I did something out of line.

Luckily, to my avail, Osomatsu harrumphed and walked past, back into the doorway and into the hall. Good save, Karamatsu. I kicked my feet up to the table and sighed contently. Today was starting off pretty well.

Later that night, I was in the club, a drink in my hand. I wasn't drunk yet, but I could feel the buzz of the alcohol start to zip through my head. It gave me a warm feeling starting in my toes. I looked around, seeing if Chibita would really hold up his end. He was a trustworthy guy, I didn't doubt that; it was just unusual to see him drink anything other than from his own cart. I'm pretty sure he drinks the oden oil plain when he has the chance, it wouldn't surprise me.

Looking around, a girl caught my attention on the dance floor. She was beautiful. Long auburn hair that cascaded gently to her waist, and freckles dotting her nose, cheeks, and arms. She had sparkling green eyes, and a bright grin. Her forest green dress fell delicately down her figure. She looked like the one. I sat there for a while, just admiring her for a moment, when I felt a tap on my right shoulder.

There was Chibita, all dressed in a blue outfit. It was kind of charming, for such a small little guy. My eyes glazed over him quickly, before I could even notice. I guessed he noticed, since his cheeks turned a dusty rose pink and his dark brown eyes darted to the left. I smiled, crossing my legs.

"Hey Chibita. Dressed kinda fancy for a club, don't you think? I mean, button-up? It's supposed to be semi-formal, not formal."

"It's not that fancy! And I like it, idjit! Mind your own business." He grumbled the last bit to himself, turning to the bar counter and ordering a drink. He looked cute when he was angry, his button nose all scrunched up and up-turned. His arms crossed and he had an adorable little frown mark up his chubby face.

"Sure thing, my adorable little darling." I leaned back into the counter, leaning forward towards the crowd. I turned my attention back to the dancers, subconsciously searching for the girl I had my eye on earlier. Something about her just drew me in. I felt as if I needed to find her. And I'd do anything to find her.

"Karamatsu, you damn idjit, listen to me!" While I had been spacing out, Chibita had been trying to talk to me, looking pretty red in the face now. I've seen him this angry pretty often, but rarely was it ever directed towards me.

"Jesus, sorry. I was just thinking about someone. What was it that you were saying?" I turned my chair towards him, sighing gently.

"I know you were thinking about someone, you were staring at the same girl for five minutes! Now, I want you to listen close cause I ain't gonna say it again!" Chibita huffed, closing his eyes and thinking for a minute. "I saying that I've known you a pretty long time, haven't I?"

I nodded my head, not sure entirely where this was going. I just crossed my arms and leaned against the counter.

"Okay, so I was wonderin' then, if you'd like to do things like this more often. I realized that out of the satanist group you call your brothers, you're the only one that I can actually stand (more or less), and I do need a drinking buddy to take care of me when I get too drunk." He opened one eye to look at my reaction to the offer. I couldn't keep a straight face.

"Of course, Chibita, anything for my Karamatsu boys." I grinned that cheesy, shit-eating grin and leaned towards him.

"Y'know, maybe I'll take that guy up on my offer."

"No, wait, I'll do anything!" I sounded desperate, sure, but as long as it meant a friend who could stand being around me for more than half an hour.

Chibita just returned my grin with his own smirk and muttered his signature "idjit" before turning back to the counter and ordering another drink.

I sat there for what seemed the longest time, thinking about nothing in particular when a I felt a tap on my left shoulder. I turned around, almost spilling my drink on the poor girl's green dress.


End file.
